How can I?

I liked what a friend said the other day, "Its just a different knife". Its so very true. I felt that knife of Loneliness my eighth grade year. Now i have to put all my dependency on Christ to get me through this life, such an important lesson to learn.

 So many people tell me that I inspire them, whether its through how i live life with my faith or it being how i get by with my eyesight. I love hearing that. But i think i've got another roadblock at the moment. For awhile i think it was a simple,tiny speed bump,but now,its like a car accident. Almost every teen gets their permit at 15, and their license at 16. I on the other hand cannot do this, if i could id have it. I always dreamed of being able to do what all of my mentors have been able to do for me,pick a girl up, take her out,and just talk. Turning 16 and realizing this dream really will probably never come true bulldozed me to the ground. I wanted to be able to provide the same care,comfort,protection, and love my mentors provided for me,and i felt like that had all been taken from me,and the whole world just laughed in my face.


 As i talked to a good friend on Wednesday I just broke down. This wasn't something id ever truly expressed anybody before,mostly because everyone always told me i inspired them,so how could i let them down by showing the true colors of the situation? I mean, I know that it is by the doing of God that I am the way i am. I am thankful that i am not worse than i am. I am thankful that God gave the ability to glorify him through something that inspires others,but why me? I just want to be able to do what every teen has the ability to do. In every pregnancy i have a 50 percent chance of passing it on. As much as i am thankful for the opportunity I've been given and that then that child could have, this isn't something i want to pass on, because i know what its like. Its so hard. To anybody who doesn't understand, they just see somebody with a disability doing great at life. behind the scenes, i just wish God had made me differently. I want to glorify God through this, but i don't know how when i am so dependent on everyone else. My good friend just simply said, just focus on that first part.

 Peter Says in 1 Peter 4:7-11 "7 The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. 8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. 10 God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. 11 Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen." 1 Corinthians 6:20 says "20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."

 Okay, so what does Glorify even mean? it means "to reveal" or "to shine". So to glorify him is to Reveal Gods saving grace to the world. To Jesus, glorifying his Father meant life or death. Jesus saw with spiritual insight that this most terrible suffering and injustice would shine God’s glory the brightest. Jesus’ desire to reveal the glory of God only burned hotter and hotter. And he knew that the result would be resurrection glory in God’s presence forever. When people face difficulties, they often try to escape their struggle by drinking or some other distraction. But this just makes us more powerless. For us, facing trials should be the time to learn to pray from our hearts for God to be glorified, like Jesus did. Jesus’ cross teaches us that it is possible for us to glorify God greatly through our trials and sufferings, and even through the tragedies in our past. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

 I still don't understand why God made me this way, but i probably never will. All i know is, no matter how i feel, if i continue to live for Christ,if i continue to praise him even as trials pass me by, i will always glorify his name.