Thankful

1. family

2. friends that care

3. hugs that leave me breathless

4. contagious laughter

5. Mk's

6. staying up extremely late with 5 MK girls every night for a week

7. being called beautiful by Marlin

8. Holding Marlins hand like there is no tomorrow

9. college girls who listen to my heart

10. music

11. the inspiration MK's give everyone else

12. the unconditional, God centered hearts of MK's

13. Big Kennedys heart to lead worship

14. The beautiful heart Big Kennedy has

15. Lil Kennedy trusting me

16. the ability to pray for MK's

17. Going to the Ale house with MK's

18. the ability to tell Britt anything

19. staying up till 2am with britt listening to funny baby sounds

20. friends who fall off beds while laughing

21. Taylor swift getting me through the day

22. Boys who think loud burps, from girls, are cute

23. Kittties that cuddle

24. God holding a hand over Dellilah

25. Marlin jumping on the bed to wake Karah and I up

26. Wind blowing my hair BACK

27. breakfast for dinner

28. tuners

29. z88.3

30. Going to the airport for MK's

31. Nathan, Jon, Chad, and their wives

32. Boots

33. cool weather in Brasil in July

34. Walking around the airport with Marlins arm around me, and a sweet goodbye before she gets on her plane

35. cameras

36. technology

37. paper and pen

38. toiletries

39. sweet time with Willa when she came down in May

40. Talking to Willa until i cry

41. Marlin making sure i am okay and not leaving me alone until i am

42. An Uncle Bob who has a continuous heart for MK's

43. Butterfly kisses

44. Daddy who annoys me but gives the best times

45. Daddy's humor

46. a horse that teaches me lessons

47. neccesities

48. bringing up the panda joke

49. the bible

50. the ability to still see and have all other senses

51. toe socks

52. bonfires with friends

53. the ability to tease big odell

54. sweet talks and truck rides with big odell

55. Forensics

56. Same Heartbeat

57. silly things Lil Odell says

58. Hope

59. Snow in Ten. when i go,  but none in Florida when i come home

60. Big Odell and Thompson having beautiful voices

61. constant 8th grade girls at bible study

62. forgiveness

63. Miranda dancing

64. laughing until my sides hurt

65. toilets

66. dates with Marsha

67. smelling candles with Crawford

68. shopping runs with Wilikinson

69. Marlins tender heart

70. body spray

71. D.C trip with Lil Odell, Finlay, Moore and others from Church

72.Caffeine and chocolate

73. Renewal with Lia

74. Dancing with Britt

75. signing to a song with Lia

76. Jamming out to Taylor swift with Britt

77. Chick-fil-a

78. Kool-aid for hair

79. Cashews

80. Falling asleep against a wall with Katie Butts

81. Curling up on the floor next to Marlin with Butts and Brandhorst

82. Brasillian food

83. The word Sadaude

84. The word Bejaos

85. The fact that Big Odell cant keep her own secrets

86. Driving to the front of the neighborhood to say goodbye to the Kennedys

87. Guaraná

88. Viatnameese family who make great food

89. attacking aunt lisa

90. flicking food for Chowder to chase

91. Writing a perfect song with Whitemore

92. History classs with Britt

93. Picture time at the park with Jewett and Britt

94. Family gatherings at least twice a year

95. Being shorter than Marlin

96. Middle Marlins sense of humor and sweetness

97. Funny stories from MK's

98. Making cookies at Midnight with Big and lil Odell

99. Scaring Thompson when waking her up at midnight to go upstairs

100. MK visit for Thanksgiving

How can I?

I liked what a friend said the other day, "Its just a different knife". Its so very true. I felt that knife of Loneliness my eighth grade year. Now i have to put all my dependency on Christ to get me through this life, such an important lesson to learn.

 So many people tell me that I inspire them, whether its through how i live life with my faith or it being how i get by with my eyesight. I love hearing that. But i think i've got another roadblock at the moment. For awhile i think it was a simple,tiny speed bump,but now,its like a car accident. Almost every teen gets their permit at 15, and their license at 16. I on the other hand cannot do this, if i could id have it. I always dreamed of being able to do what all of my mentors have been able to do for me,pick a girl up, take her out,and just talk. Turning 16 and realizing this dream really will probably never come true bulldozed me to the ground. I wanted to be able to provide the same care,comfort,protection, and love my mentors provided for me,and i felt like that had all been taken from me,and the whole world just laughed in my face.


 As i talked to a good friend on Wednesday I just broke down. This wasn't something id ever truly expressed anybody before,mostly because everyone always told me i inspired them,so how could i let them down by showing the true colors of the situation? I mean, I know that it is by the doing of God that I am the way i am. I am thankful that i am not worse than i am. I am thankful that God gave the ability to glorify him through something that inspires others,but why me? I just want to be able to do what every teen has the ability to do. In every pregnancy i have a 50 percent chance of passing it on. As much as i am thankful for the opportunity I've been given and that then that child could have, this isn't something i want to pass on, because i know what its like. Its so hard. To anybody who doesn't understand, they just see somebody with a disability doing great at life. behind the scenes, i just wish God had made me differently. I want to glorify God through this, but i don't know how when i am so dependent on everyone else. My good friend just simply said, just focus on that first part.

 Peter Says in 1 Peter 4:7-11 "7 The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. 8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. 10 God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. 11 Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen." 1 Corinthians 6:20 says "20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."

 Okay, so what does Glorify even mean? it means "to reveal" or "to shine". So to glorify him is to Reveal Gods saving grace to the world. To Jesus, glorifying his Father meant life or death. Jesus saw with spiritual insight that this most terrible suffering and injustice would shine God’s glory the brightest. Jesus’ desire to reveal the glory of God only burned hotter and hotter. And he knew that the result would be resurrection glory in God’s presence forever. When people face difficulties, they often try to escape their struggle by drinking or some other distraction. But this just makes us more powerless. For us, facing trials should be the time to learn to pray from our hearts for God to be glorified, like Jesus did. Jesus’ cross teaches us that it is possible for us to glorify God greatly through our trials and sufferings, and even through the tragedies in our past. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

 I still don't understand why God made me this way, but i probably never will. All i know is, no matter how i feel, if i continue to live for Christ,if i continue to praise him even as trials pass me by, i will always glorify his name.